I was standing outside watching my three-year-old play with the neighbors as an older man was walking by. He stopped and chatted briefly with the kids, then looked up at me and asked “How many kids?”. It’s an innocent question, but every time I’m faced with it I tense up and stumble to answer.
In this particular scenario, I was holding the baby and my stepchildren were not with us. There happened to be four children playing in my yard, so I responded with “just two of them are mine”.
Why do I always get so awkward?!
I’ve thought about how to answer this so many times but I always feel something just isn’t right. I have four children is usually followed up with something like “Wow, I can’t imagine going through four pregnancies! Good for you!”, or “Four kids, wow, you guys must be busy!”. I then feel the need to clarify that I did not birth two of them and they are not all with us full time.
If I answer two, I am overwhelmed with guilt for neglecting to mention my stepchildren, I do consider them my kids… why does it have to be so complicated?!
When I have brought this subject to my husband he says to just say four. He’s the strong silent type and has often been described as mysterious, a quality I do not possess. I am an oversharer, I don’t like feeling like I have misled someone to believe something that is not the full truth. I’m not sure why, I know I don’t owe strangers an explanation, yet I can’t control myself.
I have brought it up to the kids too, but have tried to be very casual in doing so which has left questions and I don’t want to pry or make them feel uncomfortable about the topic.
So, I’m left to handle each situation as it arises. When I was pregnant with my first baby, he was a big guy and when my stepkids were with me, people would often ask if they were big too. I would respond with something like “Oh, I got these two beauties by marrying their dad, they never caused me any grief as babies!”, in an effort to keep things light and not offend anyone.
If anyone has a tried and true response to this question, I’d love to hear from you! Please leave a comment below to continue the conversation!