Stepmoms Don’t Want Bio Mom’s Stuff In Their House

As the stepmom, I buy the kids new clothes every year so they don’t have to travel with luggage. I started doing this a few years ago after forgetting to pack some jackets to send back and feeling like a failure about it. 

It may seem crazy to buy a full summer wardrobe for both kids each year. Especially when they have clothes and their dad is paying child support to their mom already, but I prefer to do it. I have a few reasons.

3 Reasons Why This Stepmom Need to Buy All My Stepkids Clothes Each Visit

First, I want them to feel at home when they are with us, not like it is a vacation.

It has always rubbed me the wrong way when their mom has referred to our time with them as “their trip to Alberta”. It makes it sound so insubstantial. I want them to feel they have a home with us. I prefer to say they live with us during the summers and every other winter break, wording truly does matter.

Second, I hate packing for them when it’s time to send them back.

Much like my first point, the act of packing their things makes it feel like a vacation that is coming to an end. I am also not great at it, nor do I love doing it. By the time the 7-8 weeks have come to an end, their lives have been scattered all over the house. I find it near impossible to make sure they have everything they brought with them. For me, it’s just added stress. Stress that this stepmom simply doesn’t need.

The reason I am not proud to admit, I don’t want their mom in my home.

I want to choose the kid’s clothes, style them in outfits I love. I want to be able to do the laundry without stressing over instructions on each label. Worrying that the clothes got ripped while they were riding bikes. I’d never withhold something that they bring, but I have conveniently placed bags in the closet without unpacking their contents… always being available for the kids if they wanted it, but they’ve never asked. Their mom will put together a photo album for them to bring. Filled with pictures with her, her boyfriend, and other family members who change year to year. This is the one thing I am sure to take out and give to my stepdaughter to keep wherever she wants. I would surely be labeled wicked if I hid this away, and prefer not to leave that door open.

Why Go Through All the Hassle?

It seems to be more difficult than you’d think to pack them nothing… There are always some items in their backpacks, anything from socks and underwear, to swimming goggles, just enough to irritate me. I know it won’t make sense to everyone. Their mom is arguably just trying to make sure her children have what they need. From my position, when I say we’ll have everything they need, I mean it. I want it to be received as we are capable of caring for them. If there are items being sent, it says to me that I’m not trusted to do what needs to be done. Even if that was not the intention. 

Something I’ve learned over the course of my time as a stepmom is that women, at least the women in my life, are territorial about tending to the children. This includes buying them what they need, which can get complicated in a blended family. I’ve made a conscious effort to keep this strictly to my home, to keep the overstepping at a minimum. 

Does any other stepmom’s blood boil when the kids show up with random items from the other house? Please leave a comment below to continue the conversation!