I’ve been hearing a lot about positive co-parenting relationships and how they are what’s best for our children. While I don’t entirely disagree, it can be very disheartening to hear when this is not your reality.
When I entered into stepfamily life I had big dreams of the perfect co-parenting relationships and everyone getting along for the sake of the kids. It is certainly the option we wanted, however, after being rejected over and over, it became clear it wasn’t going to be how things went for us.
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Co-parenting Would Not Fit Our Family
We have never been included in communication when the kids are not with us. When they are sick, the very odd time a text would be sent, but very rarely. The kids have casually mentioned, long after the fact, trips to the hospital, or when they were on some form of medication we had never been aware of.
We are never involved in any decision-making process, and my husband has often been reminded that he left and that was his decision. It feels as though ending his relationship with the kid’s mom is something she believes he should have to pay for through missing out on the kid’s lives.
We have tried everything. We’ve kept her informed to the point of sending pictures of the kids almost daily. We’ve asked to be kept informed, we have a court order stating my husband is to be updated, we’ve been friendly. When we were sharing photos and updates, it would result in being told to cut someone’s nails, one of the children looks really hot and need water, or they look exhausted.
It simply wasn’t worth it. Nothing is ever reciprocated, she advises us that she has rights as their mother that he does not being that he left her.
What Choice Do We Have?
We parallel parent. We are no longer stressing about every detail, or worrying about what she is going to say we are neglecting when we send photos. We hope to hear from the kids if something big happens, but count on being able to judge through FaceTime that they are okay.
For those that have been able to positively co-parent, I applaud you.
For those who just can’t make it work, I see you.
Parenting is hard enough when you are doing it with someone you love in the same home. It can become near impossible to do it with someone who can’t stand you exist across two separate households.
How does your relationship look with the ex? Please leave a comment below to continue the conversation!