I met a man with kids. It wasn’t ideal, but I was excited. I felt as though my clock was ticking, so the fact he already had two children was somewhat comforting.
We would have a big family, with lots of kids to love and we would live happily ever after…
If only it were that easy!! Here are the four biggest things I feel need to be considered before becoming Stepmom:
1. You will have to plan your life around his children
You want to go on a romantic holiday and have planned out all of the details in your mind. The one detail you seem to have left out is that his vacation time is dedicated to his children.
His parenting time will always be a staple you must work around it.
Your dream trip to Hawaii will turn into a family trip to Disneyland and any argument you can come up with will feel selfish or unreasonable.
2. Decide whether you want to have more kids and make sure he feels the same way…
It may seem a little forward, but do you really want to waste that time if you aren’t on the same page? I highly recommend getting this one out of the way, early.
It has been your dream to have children with the perfect guy, but the perfect guy seems to have been there done that. Does he want to start all over again on top of the responsibility he already has? Would you?
I would strongly advise this wrinkle be worked out before meeting the existing children and his response be taken very seriously.
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3. His ex will forever be a part of his life and there is nothing you can do about it...
This can be a very tough pill to swallow, depending on the ex. It is amazing how many issues arise that require a drawn-out conversation between your man and his ex.
She can enter into your life any day, anytime even if it seems to be the most trivial issue regarding the kids.
The hope is that the ex is reasonable, civil, and mature enough to do right by her children. If you join a stepmom support group, you will quickly realize this is often not the case… A woman scorned, right?
4. His financial responsibility to his kids is first priority…
If money gets tight, you will be the one who feels it.
His contribution to the cost of your wedding, your home, your bills, your entertainment, will all depend on what he has left after providing for his children.
It can be very frustrating when finances are strained in your home and he is handing a substantial cheque over to his ex. But until the kids are adults and financially responsible for themselves, it is their father’s responsibility to support them, whether you like it or not.
These concerns are very real and very prominent when dating a man with children. Luckily, in my case anyway, I have a man who supports me, takes my input, and always makes me a priority. Unless you have a strong relationship with a supportive partner, the insecurities that can arise when dating a single parent can do some real damage.
It is crucial that you are able to talk openly and he truly hears your concerns. Communication is so so important!
What did you find was the most difficult factor that arose after your relationship got serious?
Leave your comments below!