There are so many stories out there about stepmoms hiding in their bedrooms, cars, or even the bathroom to escape their blended families.
Well, what if there was another way? What if it was possible to take back your role and actually enjoy being together? I’m here to help you change the way you view your home and be comfortable out in the open.
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Make Time to Form Relationships With Your Stepchildren
Your stepchild(ren) survived a breakup, it’s tough, but it’s how things continue afterward that makes or breaks the narrative of their lives. It is emphasized how important it is for the bio parent to have one on one time, however, I believe it is just as important for stepmom to take these opportunities to bond as well. Figure out something that you can do together, something that the child is interested in. Even if it is just an hour or two, it’s important to show the child that you are prioritizing your relationship with them as well as their father.
Let Go of the Fact That You Are Not a First Family
Stepmoms often feel slighted if their stepfamily has taken over the couch. It reinforces the idea that they are an outsider. News flash, children of first families can also be inconsiderate about where mom’s going to sit, we’re just less sensitive about it. So next time you walk into the living room and there’s no special spot carved out for you, tell someone to shove a bum and squeeze your way in. Your just as much a part of the family as anyone else and there’s no reason you should be retreating to your room on movie night.
Define Your Role
I highly recommend doing this as early as possible. Talk to your husband about who you will be to the kids and what you expect from him. Whether you want to be a parent or a friend, it’s important to set this out as early as you can and stick to it. If you do decide to have a parenting role, slowly work into this. The kids will get their back up if dad’s new girlfriend is trying to discipline them. Respect is earned over time, so get to know each other before jumping in.
There is so much talk about stepping up, stepping back, stepping aside… No wonder stepmoms are crying on the floor with bottles of wine trying to keep up. Parenting is hard, no matter what the kids call you, but it’s a whole lot harder trying to navigate which direction to move in every situation. Once you’ve decided who you are going to be in your home and stand behind it, it’ll become less stressful worrying about how to respond.
Your home, your family, your decision to make that look however you want it to.
Has a version of the couch takeover left you feeling slighted? Please leave a comment below to continue the conversation!