I often hear Stepmom’s call themselves controlling. This resonated with thinking of myself too, I hated not being able to decide what was happening in the kid’s lives. I disagreed with some of the decisions that were being made for them and the lack of power over that got so frustrating. Learning to let go of what I can’t control was the first step in getting to a better place in my own life.
I started to really think about it, wondering if I always felt I was a controlling person, or if this was unique to parenting. I remember considering myself to be quite easy-going before I had kids, I believe I was more of a go-with-the-flow type way back when.
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Is there something about Stepmotherhood that makes us controlling?
So what is it about being a mother, stepmother in particular, that makes me suddenly assume I am controlling by nature?
Before having kids, I told myself I would never be one of those moms who tells their husband how to parent. I wouldn’t be barking orders at him on how to change the baby, or what my toddler likes to eat. Especially in my situation, he’s done this twice already. He certainly wouldn’t need me micromanaging him.
Well, things don’t always turn out as planned. I give the baby toys off the floor, even though I swore I never would. Let my toddler come out of his room repeatedly, because you never know when it’s going to be legit! I have more to say than I would’ve ever hoped. Learning to let go has been key to enjoying all the other aspects of my blended family.
Maybe we are just being Moms
The more I thought about it, the more I learned I was just protecting my children. I came to realize that as stepmoms, we cannot control our stepkid’s environments the same way. Decisions on what schools they go to, what happens when they are sad, sick, hurt… we can’t always be there, instead we just hear stories after the fact. It can be heartbreaking, and it leaves me feeling helpless some days.
Although I do try to control what I can, I am not controlling. I am a mom, doing all that I can to protect my children. Even when it is out of my hands. Letting go of that is hard, so give yourself some grace when the helpless feelings wash over you. It is not that you are some overbearing woman trying to control your husband’s kids or ex. You are a mother just wanting to do what’s right for your children.
What have been your struggles, or successes, with learning to let go? Comment below, I would love to hear your story!