“Wait until you have your own” – words I constantly heard as a new stepmom. I always had an idea of what it would feel like to be a parent as if something would just click one day and you’d feel it.
I remember hearing my stepdaughter, boyfriend’s daughter at the time, call us her “parents”. It was such a huge moment for me. I loved that she saw me that way, she included me in her family, it filled my heart with so much joy.
I had that same feeling hearing my stepson call me his stepmom to his ski instructor. It was what I was by that time, but I’d never heard them say it in a casual setting before, and I was overwhelmed with pride.
Still, it didn’t feel real. I felt like I was playing pretend, trying to convince the world I was a mom.
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Was feeling like a real mom something biological?
I wondered before I had my biological kids if the mom feeling would present itself once I gave birth, surely that was the key, but it still hits me every now and then that I’ve been here doing this for years now, still feeling like me.
I feel like me, the same me I was before I had any children, just with more to think about. My thoughts are now consumed with worrying about my kids. Wondering about their futures, and doing what I can to keep them happy and healthy.
Mom’s are just as maternal when they are ‘just the stepmom’
For the childfree stepmoms, if you’re questioning whether you feel like a real mom, my guess is that you do. As far as I can tell, all it really takes is to worry about them. Want what’s best for them. Think about them. Want to see them when they are gone, and then want a break when they are driving you nuts.
Sometimes I still feel like an imposter. Even after being the one in the hospital bed being handed the newborn… twice!
Has your idea of what being a mom would feel like has changed? Have you been told to “wait until you have your own”? I’d love to hear about it! Leave a comment below!